Christmas videos

Be sure to download Apple Quicktime if you cannot view the videos below...

Hmmm...I think there's something wrong here. I can't even view these. I'll have Khan take a peek when he gets home. Sorry!

PS, I'm working on getting all of our Christmas photos organized and ready to upload. Lily's first Christmas recap coming soon!

Zoe Lily takes a nap, Everett outgrows his swing, and Khan buys barettes

And that pretty much sums up our visit to Brandy's house. Delayed a day by the traditional Christmas sickness, we finally got to Brandy's on Monday afternoon. I can't believe I haven't been there in over a year, and so much has changed since then. Ayden is a such a little man; he's seven now. And Miinan is so beautiful; she'll be five in a month. And then there's "little" Everett, Brandy's new baby. He's about 6 months old and such a little chunkers. He has the biggest, most pinch-worthy cheeks I've ever seen in my life. They're awesome. 

So we were having a nice visit. Catching up, reminiscing, and gossiping about people we knew from high school. It was almost time to go, and Lily started to fuss. So the plan was for Khan to run to the store to save time while I fed Lily (again). I tried to feed her and she was not having it. Tried to calm her down by bouncing her on the shoulder. A little bit better. So I tried to rock her. Nope -- melted down again. Brandy wanted to try. Nope, just more crying. Miinan kept trying to help, too. She thought maybe Zoe was tired. "Lily," we corrected her. "Maybe Zoe Lily is tired," she said. (Zoe is another baby that Miinan met a couple of weeks ago.) Everett was watching the whole scene from his throne, the swing that can barely hold him now. 

Brandy had the trick that worked. She ran the vacuum to calm Lily enough for her to eat. It worked, and she was out after that. Teamwork, baby. 

After a short nap, Khan returned with all the items from the list. Including some barrettes for Lily's hair. Hmm...they were a touch big, but he tried. 

  

Lily loves bath time...

Jingle bells, jingle bells...

This is how I roll...yo

Let’s call it a rookie mistake

I mean, all the signs were there.

Constant hand-chewing? Check.
Excess drool? Check.
Tugging at her ear? Check.
Random irritability? Check.

And when I saw that little bump on her upper gum, I thought that confirmed it: She was teething. I mentioned this to Dr. Marasco as a possible reason for her ear tugging. I wanted to make sure that it was because of the teething and not because of an ear infection. Dr. Marasco said that her ears look good and, “She’s not teething.” Huh? But what about that bump on her upper gum? I asked. She told me that was the frenusomething or other.

Constant hand-chewing? Developmental phase of exploring her world with her mouth.
Excess drool? Stomach acid changes as she’s getting older.
Tugging at her ear? Probably a self-soothing technique.
Random irritability? She’s a baby.

Beyond that, she’s doing great. She had an extremely mild case of RSV, which is already much better. She now weighs 16 and a half pounds, and is 26 inches long. She’s in the 92 percent tile for both weight and length. My baby is a big girl.

And I’m glad that we’re going to see that gummy smile for a while longer.

Stating the obvious

That's all five cousins, Tirin in front and Connor, Lily, Tailia, and Pearl in the back


Lily in her Thanksgiving outfit. Before she ruined it. Ah, well.


Another video to enjoy - almost a giggle


Yes, I have a lot to be thankful for this year. Love, friendship, family, all of it. Honestly, 10 years ago, I never would've guessed I'd have the life that I do right now. Of all of the blessings in my life, my beautiful daughter tops the list. It wasn't until I was pregnant that I became aware of how many people struggle with infertility, and I knew how lucky we were that we had no problem. Likewise, it wasn't until Lily was born completely and perfectly healthy that I really became aware of how many babies are not. After a heartbreaking afternoon of Lily's crying because of her teething pain, I really can't even wrap my brain around the heartache that those parents must feel. So, yes, I have a lot to be thankful for this year.

PS -Teething tips would be much appreciated.  

Four short months

Little Lily just a few days old


And my big girl, four months old


Indulge my pity party, if you will.

I'm beginning to feel like my baby will forget who I am. First, I had a short weekend, only two days. I know, I know, but it makes a big difference. Then, I had to go in to the office for what should've been 2-3 hours but became 5 hours.

But yesterday was the worst. Lily was asleep when I left in the morning. I got a call from day care in the afternoon that she was refusing her bottles. I spent the next hour worrying about her. Then Khan called and told me day care reported she woke up happy from her nap and was eating as normal. I was still worried, though not as much. Then I had to work late, so Khan got to pick Lily up and I had to stop at the grocery store on my way home. Just as I was about to turn into Publix, my phone rang and Lily was hungry. So I went home, nursed Lily, and she fell back to sleep. I went to the grocery store. Came home, and Lily was rubbing her eyes. As I was putting the groceries away, Khan put Lily to sleep. And that's how much I saw my baby yesterday.

Of course, I'm lucky to have my job, and I know that. The bright side of all of this is that I'll have to leave early on Wednesday because of the extra hours I've put in, and I won't be returning until next Tuesday.

Every small-talk discussion with other parents always has the same thing: how the time flies. Moms and dads look back at the memories of their babies when they were smaller. In my infinite wisdom with my four months of parenting experience, I know that this is a given. Time will keep flying by, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. The only thing I can do is to do my best to savor every moment while I'm in it, so that I can look back fondly rather than with regret.

So starting tomorrow afternoon, I'll have five and a half days of solid quality time with my baby girl.

Random pictures and milestones

Ok, let’s go from top to bottom here. That first picture is Lily enjoying some tummy time. That’s her own reflection she’s staring at. I got her a little mirror like the ones they have at day care because she loves to look at herself. (And who can blame her?) Too bad she can’t figure out how to tame that wild hair. Well, neither can I for that matter. But I won’t be cutting it so don’t even ask.

The second picture is Lily’s friend, Jade, giving her a smooch on the cheek. Jade is about 8 months older than Lily, which is a lot right now, but it won’t be down the line. Just a matter of time before they’re playing Barbies together.

The third one shows daddies and their babies. Khan’s holding Lily, baby hog that he is, and he’s sitting with Scott and his daughter, Jade. We were at their house this weekend to celebrate Jade’s Baptism. Lily is gnawing away at her hands, as always. Does that mean she’s teething? Or did she just discover her hands are an always-available toy to stick in her mouth?

And lastly, there’s Lily all bundled up (well, Florida-style bundled up) to go to day care. We had a cold snap here recently and Lily had to wear her new jacket.

Lily’s doing quite well. She’s growing and changing so much it’s really amazing to watch. I know, I know, this is the same old thing we hear from parents all the time. But there’s truth to every cliché. Here are some changes we’ve seen over the past month:

1. She graduated from small bottles to big ones. Four ounces is no longer enough, this little piggy wants more.

2. She rejects her newborn pacifiers, the soothies, and now she wants the big girl pacifiers.

3. She’s almost ready to roll. When she lays on her back she likes to bring her feet up and turn to the side.

4. She’s got a definite pattern to her eating and sleeping schedule. Finally.

5. She reaches for stuff. The first time we saw her push one of the flowers on the chime garden, we thought it was a fluke. Now she does it all the time. And, of course, she tries to put it in her mouth. It’s a little too big, Lily, but go ahead and try.

6. She really enjoys books now. We used to get through a couple of pages and we’d lose interest, now she’s really captivated by the pictures, and she reaches for the pages.

7. She loves the stupid games we play with her. So big, the itsy bitsy spider, peek-a-boo, and her absolute favorite is watching her daddy dance and make silly faces at her. I really have to get that on video because I think we’d all enjoy watching. Trust me, it’s pretty funny.

8. And my absolute favorite: she giggles. We don’t have belly laughs yet, but we have definite giggles. I’m telling you, there is no better sound in the world.

And that's the last few weeks, summed up in a nutshell.

Erik's artsy picture

Here you go, Erik. How's this for your artsy picture? It might have more of that artsy flair if it were black and white, but I love the blue water in the background.

So, Erik and Ben came to visit us this weekend and we had a very nice weekend. The weather was beautiful, so that helped. We went to John's Pass/St. Pete Beach/Pass a Grille on Saturday and to Cortez Beach/Anna Maria Island on Sunday. One of our main goals for the weekend was to take some pictures. Our first attempt to do this on Saturday failed. Basically, I expected too much out of my little girl. She was a good baby all day long. We dragged her in a long car ride, out to lunch, walking around the boardwalk, a stop at the winery, and then we were on our way to take some pictures. And she fell asleep. I knew she needed a longer nap, so we drove out to the Skyway and let her nap a bit longer. By the time we got to Pass a Grille for pictures, it was getting close to sunset and the light was perfect. But it had gotten cold - quickly. And Lily was NOT happy. So we gave up.

We tried again on Sunday. We went a little further south to the Anna Maria Island area and this time we got lucky. We found a great spot near the water and the temperature was perfect. Not too hot like Saturday afternoon and not too cold like Saturday evening. And we had Lily's little beach chair that Khan and I picked up the day before.

Beyond the pictures, we just had a really nice visit. Erik and Ben cooked for us, and that was a really nice treat. Ben is a great cook (Erik got lucky, just like me). For my part, I really enjoyed getting to know Ben better. Actually, I also enjoyed getting to know my big brother better, too. He's been famously private so it was really nice to be let in. It's amazing what a couple of days of quality time can do.

A little overdue

I just realized I never posted the link to all the pictures from Lily's portrait session. I posted it to the left under "New Home for Lily's Pictures." Anyway, take a look and you'll see why it was so hard for us to decide which one to buy.

:::Edited to add::: It seems I had a bad link posted. I think I fixed it. Please let me know if it doesn't work.

Florida goes blue!!

After Ohio went blue, I knew it was over, but I still tried to stay up to see what Florida would do. But, I fell asleep around 10:30 eastern time. It wasn't until Lily woke up at 2:00 a.m. that I saw that the election was indeed over and Barack Obama is our president-elect. But I still wanted to see what happened here, and the stupid commentators' heads covered up Florida. So I changed channels. Heads in the way again. I gave up and pulled it up online and saw that yup, Florida went for Obama. I was so proud of my state.

I watched some of Obama's speech. Just wow. I thought it was so eloquent, so intelligent, so presidential. This is my favorite part: "...the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope." And I felt proud to be an American.

Even with the resounding rejection of the republican party. I was disappointed that Florida passed Amendment 2, the so-called "marriage protection" amendment. We have come so far toward reaching that ideal of equality that we claim to be founded upon, but we haven't come far enough.

Have you voted yet?

If not, go vote.

Khan, Lily, and I voted on Saturday. From start to finish it took an hour and 45 minutes. Lily did great; she slept most of the time. She got a little crabby as we got close to the poll, but we were outside in line for an hour and a half, and it was hot. I'm glad she got to be there to be part of this historic election -- and I hope that this will help her to learn how important it is to be part of the process.

Lily just loves the chime garden and is also quite chatty these days.  I thought I'd pass along some videos to amuse you.  Here they are. May take a while for the videos to load, so please be patient.

:::Edited to add::: Check out the photo site (link on left). I added our Halloween pictures.

Happy Halloween!

Today is Lily's first Halloween. And, interestingly (for me, at least), it is exactly one year since my last hurrah with wine before getting pregnant. A lot can change in a year, huh?

So after work today, we're going to "trick-or-treat" in our neighborhood for a little while, and hang out with our neighbors for a bit for Friar Tuck Court's annual "wine-o-ween" celebration (i.e., last year's hurrah).

I'm working on organizing all of our Halloween-related photos (pumpkin patch, pumpkin carving, costume, etc.), and I'll try to post all of them soon.

Oh, almost forgot. We're going to vote on Saturday. I think the line will be long, but it'll be long any day, so what can we do. We'll stand in line to vote. I heard Florida's kind of a big deal.

Enjoy your Halloween, however you're choosing to spend it.

New home for photos

I'm trying to make life a little easier for me -- and for you, maybe. I'm officially moving Lily's pictures from Picasa to Shutterfly. Here's why:

A couple of times I've heard people try to print some of the photos that I've posted for you. I'm not sure how well that went for you because I'm pretty sure that when I upload the photos to Picasa, the file gets compressed and the quality is lost if you try to download it from Picasa.

As far as I know, I can't buy prints from Picasa. And if you know me, you know I love scrapbooking and I love PRINTS of my photos. 10 years from now, I'm not going to page through an album of CDs, I want to page through an album of PHOTOS. So, I have to buy prints, and to do that, I have to upload them to another site, creating a duplication of efforts.

Well, who has time for that? Not me. So, I was playing around on Shutterfly and saw that they have a pretty neat way for me to share my photos with you after I upload them to my account there. (Thereby eliminating my duplicated uploading.) And, if you should want to buy prints, you can buy them from Shutterfly, no problem.

So, check out my photo-sharing website. Just click on the top link on the left side of this page. that link won't change; it'll be right there. Anytime you want to check and see if I've added anything new, just click that link.

Let me know what you think.

Mr. Orange and Picasso the Painted Pumpkin

Last night we sat down to carve and paint pumpkins. Khan got out the knives to carve his very first pumpkin. Lily and I got out the finger0paints to paint her very first pumpkin. (An idea I stole from my sister-in-law. Thanks, Joy!)

It was a mess. Literally. Khan cut the big hole and was not happy to find that the guts he had to pull out were not only slimy and messy -- they were stinky, too. Then he drew a face on the pumpkin, and insisted that it had to have ears so that it could hear. Apparently, Khan was doing it a favor by not giving it a nose.

Lily was happy to just hang out and watch, but I stuck her little hand in some paint and then helped her paint her little pumpkin.

Ok, I know. She probably didn't care about it much at all. But it was fun for us. And look at what a nice job we did.

I heart Mondays

Who would've guessed I'd ever love Mondays. Now that I'm working Tuesday through Friday, Mondays are looking a whole lot better.

This week, Lily and I didn't do much. And I think that'll be the plan for most Mondays. We spend much of the weekend running around -- running errands, visiting people, whatever. It'll be good for Lily to have a day to just relax and be at home before starting the next work/day care week. But we did have to get out of the house because our weather is FINALLY starting to change. Lower humidity and lower temperatures means we can comfortably get out of the air conditioning.

This week, Lily and I went to the park down the street from our house. I wanted to get her out for a walk, but I don't want her to just sit in her stroller for too long, so the park was a good place for us. First, we tried out the baby swing now that Lily has good head control. She liked it! She smiled (not on camera, of course) and I pushed her back and forth a little. Then we got out of the sun and had some tummy time on her blanket. I chatted with another playground dad; he works at home. We talked about the various playgrounds and parks in the area.

Mondays at home are good for me, too. I think it even helps me at work; I feel a little more focused. And, I can actually enjoy my Sundays now. I used to get the Sunday blues, bad. And so far, there have been no Monday blues -- just quality time with my daughter.

Suckered

So I had this coupon. It was for a free 10x13 at the Picture People, one of many chain portrait studios peppered throughout area malls. I've been itching to have Lily's portrait taken but have so far been able to resist -- largely because I haven't had a paycheck in quite awhile. Today, we were at the mall, and I said I just want to go in and ask some questions. You know, find out how much it costs after the coupon, that kind of thing. 

I asked my questions and a salesgirl shows me all the various packages and this and that. I was looking around at the portraits on the walls and such. They had some really cute ones of a naked baby in a bathtub. And the sales girl said, "You could just get your free one, just to try us out." They had some time to take Lily's pictures right then. Well, that's not fair. How am I supposed to walk away from that? 

I had no cute outfits with me. She was just wearing a Carter's onesie with spit up all over the front. But I really wanted to do some naked baby pictures anyway, so why not, right? Just to give it a try. So while Khan fed Lily, I ran back down to the Children's Place and got a little headband that I thought would be perfect. But I would later find out that it was too perfect. 

So they take us to the studio by the mall window -- right by where all the people walk by. I didn't think they even used that, I thought it was just for show. And they started shooting photos of Lily. Some with the headband, some without. Some on her tummy, some on her back. Some with her diaper on, some without. Not long after we took off the diaper, she peed on their pretty white blanket. Sorry.

While they were busy shooting pictures, I was watching her, of course. But I was also watching the people outside. Some people looked as they walked by, and commented on what a cute baby, oh look at the pretty baby, and the like. But it was crazy because it didn't take long before there was literally a crowd outside watching. I mean these people stopped their shopping and were just watching my little superstar. And I admit it: I loved every second of that. 

But then the hard part came. They sat us down to choose our picture. The showed us the first one. Oh my gosh, it was adorable. And then the second one. We loved it. And the third -- you get the idea. We loved all of them. How could we pick just one? (And this is why the coupon for the "free portrait" is genius, right?)  Just when I think they can't make it worse for me, they bring out some framed enlargements with Lily's picture. Wouldn't you know it? They do framing right there, too. I told the girl she was evil. 

Somehow, we didn't buy much. We got a couple of extras besides our free print, but we did pretty well. I was actually pretty proud of our restraint. Of course, the pictures are available for us to purchase anytime we want for a whole year. Dammit. 

More pictures, and happy birthday, baby

I added two more photo albums with some updated photos. Obviously, we take an absurd amount of photos. We know this, but we can't seem to help it. I'm as guilty of it as Khan. But I'll never regret taking too many pictures; I only regret not taking enough pictures. So there you go.

But you don't want to see all 1,000 pictures (no lie) that we took in September. So I try to just give you the highlights, but I'm not good at that, either. I just can't cut some of them. So, I tried, but there's still a lot.

The first album that I linked is just random pictures during weeks 7-10, which includes Khan's week at home with Lily. The other album contains two more attempts to take portraits. We tried at 7 weeks, and again at 9 weeks.

Today is Khan's birthday. We're going to celebrate this weekend. But, don't worry, Khan has already decided to make the day a little more special for himself. After dropping Lily off this morning, he tells me he doesn't know how to leave her on time in the morning. He spent a half an hour playing with her at day care before leaving today. He said he'd probably have to work a little late to make up for it. And then he changed his mind. He said, "I'm picking her up today. It's my birthday, and I'm leaving early. I'm picking her up today."

Ok, baby. Enjoy your extra time with your little girl today.

Lily's first day

We all made it through today. Dad took Lily in to day care, stayed to play for awhile, and left work early to pick her up so her first day would be a short day. He said she was doing well when he left her and when he picked her up. She was curious about he new place and just looking around. He said she also liked watching the other babies. Lily was just fine. 

Mama was a bit of a mess. I thought I was going to be OK when I left in the morning. I only cried a little. Got to work, got started on my day. I don't know what happened, but I started crying around 9 a.m. I pulled it together and called day care to check on my baby. But I started crying again and couldn't ask any questions. Miss Amy told me that Lily was doing just fine. She said that she was a little sad when Daddy left her, but they rocked her to sleep and she napped for awhile. I called back later around lunchtime. I got to ask my questions and was assured that Lily was still doing fine. 

The day went along, but it didn't get any easier. But it finally ended and I went home to my girl. Day care sends a little note everyday to tell me what I missed. Here's Lily's first report card: 

"Today I had a wonderful first day of school! I was very sad to leave my daddy in the a.m., but after meeting and cuddling with my teacher, I felt more at ease. I was a happy girl and shared my pretty smile with my teachers and my new friends. I was sure to let my teachers know when I was hungry though. Don't worry Mom and Dad, I missed you lots but my teachers and friends were very nice and they love me already." -- Miss Amy and Miss Tammy

Dad's week, Mondays, and dreading tomorrow

So it's been a touch over a week since I posted last. Last time I did, I was about to go back to work and Khan was going to stay with Lily for a week. He had a great week, and I survived mine relatively well. Lily and Daddy had a lot of playtime, and Lily made big strides in development over last week. I was holding her on my shoulder on Friday evening, and I turned my head toward her, and she was looking right at me. She was holding herself up and looking at me! It probably doesn't sound terribly impressive, but it was the first time she's ever done that. Or so I thought. Khan said, yeah, she's been doing that all day. And I missed it because I was at stupid work. This was after earlier in the week when I was watching Lily and Daddy play with the chime garden (a little flower toy that lights up and plays music), and Lily was reaching out for the toy. Another first! She was reaching for her toys! And Khan said, yeah, she's been doing that all day. And I missed it because I was at stupid work. 

So, I guess that's it. I'll miss some things sometimes. Khan'll miss some things sometimes. I think this is a reality that all parents just hate, but eventually have to accept. You just can't be there all the time. But on the positive side, I will have Mondays. Starting this week, I'm working Tuesday through Friday from 6:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.  Sounds like a hideously long day, but it's really not that bad at all. And if it gives me a whole extra day a week to spend with my baby, then it's a no-brainer. And as my first 3-day weekend is ending, I can tell you that it has made a HUGE difference. I really feel like I got to spend some quality time with my baby before I have to go back to work again. 

But tomorrow is the day I've been dreading since before I was even pregnant. Tomorrow Lily goes to day care. Ugh, I just can't imagine anyone else taking care of her like me. (Or family.) And I have this horrible picture in my mind that she's going to be plopped in a crib by herself and crying, scared and confused. Obviously, if I rationally thought that Lily would be plopped in a crib and left alone at this center, I would not be sending her there. But I'm not thinking rationally right now. And even if they're holding her and comforting her, I'm still scared that she'll be scared and confused. 

I have to leave early in the morning, but Khan's going to take Lily in to day care at about 8:00 or 8:15, and he's going to stay there with her for a little while. He says he's going to leave work early if he can. Unfortunately, I know that I can't because I have a deadline on Wednesday. After tomorrow, Khan's going to leave around 8:30 in the morning, and I'll pick Lily up at 5:00. That's pretty much the best that we can do, and it's not that bad. The rational side of me knows that. I know that lots of parents have to do this, too. But honestly, that doesn't make it any easier. There is no easy way to do this. So just be nice to me tomorrow. 

Time well spent

Well, Lilies, this is it. Mama goes back to work tomorrow. And just when I thought I was prepared for this, well, I'm not. I don't know how I thought I was ready for this. 

This week is Daddy's week at home with you. I'm not sure what you'll do all day. Daddy says he's going to bring you in to visit me at work, and he thinks maybe you'll go to Busch Gardens to stroll around for a while. Whatever you do, I'm sure that it'll be a good week for you -- and a very special week for Dad. 

But I guess this is the end of our very special time. Of course we'll have plenty of wonderful times in the future, I know that. But these last 10 weeks are just, well, it's hard to describe. For me, it was the time when nothing else mattered. My house was a disaster most of the time. We often had cereal for dinner. My plants almost died. Most days I never even got out of my pajamas. (You usually did, though, because of a diaper disaster, a spit-up mess, or the time Mommy got chocolate on you.) 

I've been assured by mothers who've done this before me that it gets easier. Every day will get a little easier, they say. I'm counting on that, and I'm trying to focus on the positive aspects of our situation. It will be nice to have a paycheck again. Supposedly, day care will help you develop social skills, among others. I know there are benefits, and I'm sure the time will come when I can see those more clearly. And I just hope that day comes real soon because right now, it's killing me. 

Hard as it is, I'm going to have to go to work tomorrow. We have bills to pay, blah blah blah. I couldn't stop this day from coming -- it's just the reality of our life. But in ten years, I can look back and know that for ten weeks, my house was a disaster, we had cereal for dinner, the plants somehow survived, and I held my baby as often and as long as I could.

Meet Milly

I knew it was just a matter of time. Inevitable. The major meltdown in a public place. We've come close a couple of times, but we've been able to avert disaster so far. Not today. 

It started as a perfectly wonderful day. We had the best weather today that we've had since April. Low humidity, sunny skies, warm temperatures. I was planning to get together with my friend Jeannette and her baby girl, Jade. We were going to start at Babies R Us, have some lunch, and do some walking outside. Lily woke up happy, and she was content while I was getting ready. She was OK in the car, she started to fuss at the red lights, but I put in the vacuum CD, and it worked like a charm. 

Jeanette and I were looking at baby clothes, shooting the breeze, and Lily started to fuss a little. So I picked her up and put her on my shoulder. She wasn't any happier with that, so I thought maybe I'd check her diaper. Babies R Us has a nice little room for changing and nursing, so we headed back there. 

Her fussing had turned to full-on crying by the time we got there. I figured she was hungry. 95 times out of 100, she's hungry. So, I decided to change her first in the hopes that if she fell asleep while nursing, I wouldn't have to wake her up to change her. 

By the time I finished changing her, her crying had turned to screaming. SCREAMING. So I hurried and tried to feed her. She wasn't having it. I picked her up and tried the shoulder. More screams. Tried again to feed her. She kinda tried to nurse, but she was crying too much. I tried and I tried, but I couldn't calm her down. In her short little life, NEVER has the boob not done the trick. It may not work for long, but it always works. Until today. 

I didn't know what else to do, so I left. I hoped Jeannette would see me on my way out; I figured she and everyone in a 4-mile radius would hear us at least. I felt rude leaving, but she's a mom, so she gets it. 

Lily got quiet when we got outside -- for a minute or two. Long enough for me to get her into the car without someone thinking I was a kidnapper or something. In the car, I turned on the vacuum CD and it worked. Until we got to the interstate. 

Just as I'm pulling on to I-75, Lily starts back in with the screaming, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Even if there were a good spot to pull over, there was nothing I could do to console her but try to get her home. 

Finally, we got home. I turned on the vacuum, held her, and bounced until she fell asleep. I called Jeannette and she came over so we could at least have our lunch together. And, as a novice mommy herself, she probably knew that I needed a little extra support after that little episode. 

I still have absolutely no clue what upset her so much. No idea at all. It was like she was a totally different baby for a couple of hours, so I started calling her Milly, Lily's evil twin. She's never -- ever -- cried/screamed like that. Ever. In fact, she doesn't cry much at all anymore. She's happy most of the time, except when she's hungry, and that doesn't last long. So she really threw this at me out of nowhere. 

She slept for the rest of the afternoon, apparently having a total meltdown is exhausting. Daddy came home, Milly was gone, and my sweet Lily was back. She and I talked. I told her how she freaked me out, and I was scared because I didn't know what was wrong with her. She smiled at me and said "kkkghhh." 

Lily's just fine

She had her 2-month check-up today, which included lots of needles. She survived. And so did I. It wasn't pretty, though. The nurse came in with band-aids all over her shirt, like they were in "ready" position for use. I knew that was a bad sign. Poor Khan had to hold little Lily's arms down while the nurse stuck her with needles. He's a stronger person than I am. I know all these shots are for her own good, and I know that a few seconds of a needle sting is far better than the diseases she's being protected from, but ugh is it torture. She cried, I cried, and then it was over. We came home and she fell asleep on my chest. A few hours later, she woke up smiling. She was just a happy little clam. And I thought she was going to be feeling bad all day. Nope, not Lily. 

She's a healthy little peanut. She now weighs 13 pounds and 12 ounces -- that puts her into the 92% tile for weight. She's 23.5 inches, which is the 75% for height (or do I call it length?).  And everything else the doctor checked for seemed to be perfect. She's doing all the things she's supposed to be doing at her age. I had some forms that I needed the doctor to fill out for day care. So she asked me if Lily will take a bottle since she's been exclusively breastfed without formula. Yup, we've never had a problem there. She doesn't care how she gets fed, she'll take whatever she's offered, as often as she can. 

The video is our happy, smiling Lily this afternoon. She really likes that pink blanket; it's super soft and I think that's what she likes about it. 

How sweet is this?

I just love this photo -- it's such a sweet father-daughter moment. Love it. While I'm on the topic, the next time I have to listen to someone babble on about how great it is that Khan's such an involved dad, I think I'm going to puke. Don't misunderstand me, he is a wonderful father. He is involved, and he takes fantastic care of his baby. But, isn't that what a father is supposed to do? I mean it's nice to hear that you're doing a good job as a parent, but it's a little ridiculous to me sometimes. Of course he's involved. She's his little princess. 

Ok, vent over. Can you believe Lily is two months old already? I swear we can see changes in her every day. She's more and more responsive and interactive with us and it's so much fun. She likes to talk to us; I think she's going to be a chatty girl. She's experimenting with vowel sounds. She's also more interested in our voices. Even the singing. Yesterday she was calmed into sleep by me singing "Old McDonald Had a Farm." It's like she has no idea how annoying that song is. 

This week is my last full week with her. I'm trying not to be too sad about it; I knew this day would come. It makes me sad, but I have been more at peace with it since I had those two days at work last week. I guess because we still had the evening together, and it was nice. It felt like I appreciated/enjoyed that time more than I otherwise would have. Sort of a quality versus quantity idea. Even so, if I had a choice in the matter, I would choose to stay home with my little Lily in a heartbeat. 

Good-bye, old clothes

Every time I go in my closet, I'm surrounded by clothes that don't fit me. Maternity clothes that are too big and weird on me. Pre-pregnancy clothes that I can't squeeze into anymore. So I got rid of it all. One bag of donations, two bags of clothes I hope will fit me again someday, and one bag of maternity clothes. I'm not left with much at all. Most of what I have now is maternity stuff that doesn't look too weird. I'm trying to be hopeful that my old clothes will fit again someday, but I'm not sure. I think my pants might never fit again. I think my hips are permanently wider. Score.

Lily had to get rid of some of her clothes, too. She's outgrown another round of stuff. She's now wearing size 6 months stuff. It's a little big on her, but it fits her better than the 3 month stuff. She also outgrew her first bed, the little glider/chair/cradle thing. We started hearing banging in the middle of the night from her flapping and flailing her little arms around -- she was hitting the edges of the glider. So now she's in the bassinet for as long as we have her in our room. Next stop: her crib.  

Chatting with Lily

Click on the play button in the lower left corner to see video of Lily chatting with Mama.

Today was my practice day at going back to work. I had to go in to the office for software training, and I have to go back tomorrow. I survived. Lily survived. I only cried for a little bit when I said good-bye in the morning...and a little more in the car. It was good to see people at work again. They all said "welcome back," and I said, "I'm not back."  I have two more weeks. 

So Khan got to stay home with Lily all day. It would've been a perfect day for him, except he was trying to work a full day from home in addition to taking care of Lily. I asked him how well that went. He said he didn't get as much done as he'd hoped. Shocking. But, lucky for him, he gets to spend the week of October 6th with her -- just Lily and Daddy. I know I had the first 10 weeks, but I'm still jealous. 

Date: Night of September 22, 2008

Lily's big day out

Well, I have to make this quick and it's all about the pictures anyway. Last Sunday Khan and I decided to take Lily to the beach, which turned into a long day out and about. (Kinda like we used to do in our former life.) 

We got up early and went to the beach around 8:30 a.m. because I was concerned about too much heat and sun. The heat wasn't a problem at that hour, and there was a nice breeze from the Gulf anyway. We didn't stay long, we were just there long enough to swing on the bench in the shade for a little bit and show Lily the water and where Mama and Daddy got married. We'll be back to the beach many, many times in the future, I'm sure. 

After the beach we went to Grandma and Grandpa's house for a surprise visit. Never a problem for them to see one of their grandkids, so they didn't mind us just showing up like that. When we left their house, Lily was still doing great, and I wasn't ready to go home. It just felt nice to be out running around. So we went to the mall. I was on a mission to find some new sleepers for Lily because she's outgrown all of hers already. (I remember a time when I used to go to the mall to shop for shoes or shirts or something for me. I didn't even go into a store for me. Just Children's Place, Gymboree, and the children's department at Macy's.)

And Lily was cool the whole time. She was awake until we got to the mall, and she fell asleep there cruising along in her stroller. We even had lunch. Then she woke up hungry, and so she got lunch and went to sleep happy again. The one time she woke up and got fussy for a little bit, I just carried her on my shoulder and she was happy. And I have to admit I loved all the stares and second looks she got, and of course, the comments on her beautiful hair and what a beautiful baby. I was a very proud mama. 

Lily smiles

I know, I know. We've all heard it a million times before, and we'll hear it a million times more. But I can't believe how much she's changing and how fast! First of all, she's huge. I wanted to dress her in a little piggy costume for Halloween, but Khan wouldn't let me. So we compromised on a different choice (you'll find out soon enough). But the deal is that if she doesn't fit into that costume because she outgrows it, she's going to be a piggy for Halloween. 

Now she smiles. She smiles the most in the morning. Maybe she'll be a morning person like her mama. As if I could love her any more, when she smiles -- hmm -- there's really no word for it. It just makes me melt. 

And she's talking to us now, too. She's discovered the sound of her own voice. (Beyond her cry, of course. She's got that figured out really well.) But she coos and she gurgles and she makes happy little exclamations. 

She's got more control of her head and she holds it up for longer periods of time. She turns her head from side to side to see what's going on around her. She's content to sit and just hang out for longer periods of time, now. She's happy to sit in her chair while I get dressed and such in the morning, and she'll sit happily in her chair out on the patio with mama and daddy in the evenings. 

For the first time ever yesterday, she fell asleep in her swing. We've put her in her swing for a few minutes here or there, but she gets bored with it quickly and we have to pick her up. But yesterday, we got home from our walk, and I put her in her swing for a few minutes. And before I knew it, she was asleep. And she slept for almost an hour and a half in her swing. 

I love watching her grow and change, but I hate it, too. Whenever I see other kids, I just can't imagine little Lily growing up to be that big, too. She's just my little baby girl right now, and I like it that way. I can't win at this battle, though. All I can do is just enjoy the moments I have with my little baby girl before she won't let me hold her like this anymore. Ugh.  

Well...there is one other thing I can do. Document, document, document. No one will be able to accuse us of not taking enough pictures of Lily. I added a ton more today -- more posed pictures and more candid-at-home photos. Enjoy. 

Visitors

Before Lily got here, I had this idea that we would want to limit the amount of visitors we had. I thought that we'd want time alone as a family for bonding. I even thought we'd want some time by ourselves before my mom got here. That has to be one of the stupidest ideas I ever had. 

This is just more evidence to support the assertion that no matter how much you think you prepare for the arrival of a first baby, you find yourself completely unprepared. Contrary to my theory of alone-family-time, we needed the help to have the time for bonding moments as a new family.

But, to my surprise, this time has not just been important for my new family, but also for my existing family. I've loved spending these days with my mom, my dad, and my brother. I'd love it if all of my family could come, but I also know that's not as easy as I want it to be. It's been just amazing to see my family meet my little baby girl, to watch them hold her, soothe her, talk with her, and just smile at her. And as an added bonus, it's been nice for me to have some adult company -- and to spend quality time together. That's what makes living 1500 miles from my family bearable. No, I don't have the option of getting together frequently for a couple hours here or there. But when we do have time together, our time is longer, less interrupted, and all the little daily crap doesn't matter for a few days. 

Beyond the long visits from my family, we've also had lots of short visits from Khan's family and from our friends. Again, I thought we'd want to limit these sorts of visits. Nope, not even a little bit. I love having my friends and family over; it doesn't detract from our time with Lily at all. In fact, now that the first few weeks are past, our visitors are starting to dwindle, and I'm missing them.   

One-month portraits

Well, 5-week portraits, but who's counting besides me? We've been trying to do these pictures since last weekend, but last week we ran out of time, there just isn't enough light by the time Khan gets home from work, and Saturday and Sunday were gray and ugly because of Hurricane Gustav. But, lucky for us, the sun came out on Monday, and Khan was home for Labor Day. So we finally had the chance to transform the nursery into our amateur photo studio and snap some pictures. 

Lily, however, was less cooperative. She was a bit crabby and fussy. But we were able to keep her happy enough just as long as we turned on the magic vacuum cleaner. Don't ask me why it works, but it does. She cries, she fusses, we turn on the vacuum, and just like that, she calms down. For a few minutes at least, but that's all we need to get a few pictures.

We took 162 photos, and I posted 95 of those. Of those 95, there's a handful of really good ones. That's how it works with pictures. Take 100, get 10 really good ones. Unfortunately, Lily has a really bad case of baby acne. But even so, she's still my beautiful girl. 

Enjoy.

I'm gonna miss days like this

Note -- my intention was to post this several days ago, but sometimes you just have to take the time you have when you have it, even if you end up making two posts at the same time. We will pretend that I wrote this on Friday, August 29th. 

Today was another marvelously unproductive day. With Dad coming in this afternoon, I actually had ambitions to try to clean up around the house. Generally, when company comes to stay with you they at least like to have a clean bathroom. But it was not to be. Lily wasn't going to have it. 

She started the day with a sleep strike. It wasn't a problem, but she just wasn't interested in taking a nap. It was actually pretty cool. She was happily awake for most of the morning. We had some tummy time with Lily on her play mat and mama shaking a little ladybug to catch her attention. And Lily hung out with me while I got dressed, brushed my teeth, and curled my hair. She was perfectly happy sitting in her bouncy chair next to the mirror, looking at her reflection. I even got to put her in the baby carrier for about a half an hour, and she got to go with me while I started picking up the house. But she doesn't hold her head up on her own yet, and she gets mad when her head is in the carrier, so I had one hand on her head while I was cleaning. And one-handed cleaning isn't terribly effective. 

Eventually, it was time for Lily to eat again, and she fell asleep when her tummy was full. I put her down and went to get my own lunch. No sooner was I done with my own lunch and she was awake again. I rocked her back to sleep, put her down, and before I knew it, she was awake again. So I held her and she slept. After about an hour, I put her down. And you guessed it, she woke up again. 

So by the time Dad got here to meet his granddaughter for the very first time, she was asleep in my arms, as she had been for the second half of our day. The kitchen was a mess, the bathrooms still need to be cleaned, and my bedroom looks like the cliched tornado struck, but I got to spend my afternoon laying on the sofa holding my sleeping baby girl. I'm definitely gonna miss days like this. 

More photos

I added another folder full of photos today called "weeks two and three." I tried not to overload with too much of the same stuff, but quite honestly, all of our photos are starting to look the same. 

But she's a growing girl, so I'll try to keep the photos up to date. I don't have a scale so I don't know how much she weighs, but I'm told she looks bigger than a week ago. And I guess I believe it because her feet don't fit in her little sleepers anymore. She's getting chubbier, too. Her little cheeks are rounding out and her little arms are getting chunky. So, I guess it's safe to say that Lily's doing very well. 

She's going to have her first real bath tonight, so this should be an adventure. And, she turns one month this weekend (she'll be four weeks on Saturday). We're going to try to do more at-home portraits this weekend. I'll try to post photos from both as soon as I can. 

Life with a newborn

Just like pregnancy, parenthood doesn't start with the easy stuff. (Perhaps there is no easy stuff to parenthood.) But we're slowly (ever-so-slowly) starting to figure it out. 

Before she got here, Khan and I agreed we were a team -- two against one. In record time, she defeated us. Lily wins, every time. We are at her mercy, for whatever she needs, whenever she needs it. It turns out that's what life with a newborn is. For example, this is the third time I've tried to write this post. I started last night, but Lily was hungry, and then we needed to start the sleep cycle. See, the earlier we start the sleep cycle, the more sleep Khan and I will get. We change her, feed her, and put her to sleep. Then we go to sleep. We wake up 2 or 3 hours later when she is hungry again. We change her, feed her, and back to sleep she goes. And then we go back to sleep. Most of the time she goes back to sleep with ease, but not always. Sometimes it takes a little more from us, rocking in the chair, walking around on Daddy's shoulder, whatever it takes. But hey, we've gotten to see some of the highlights from the Olympics live because we're up at 2 a.m. 

So I tried again this morning to write my post. After it seemed like Lily was sound asleep, I put her down and picked up the computer. And just like that, she started getting restless. And then she opened her eyes, and I had to pick her up. It seems during the day, she'll only sleep when I'm holding her. But honestly, holding my baby all day isn't the worst way to spend my time. 

And so we're learning. She lets us know when she needs something and we try to figure out how to make her happy again. More often than not, it's pretty simple: she's hungry. This little piggy likes to EAT. Speaking of which, Lily calls...

Bye bye, Nana

Confession: I've had a pretty bad case of the baby blues since the night we brought Lily home. That's not even true, my meltdowns started in the hospital. It sucks. There's really no pretty way to say it -- it really just sucks. On one hand, I'm so in love with my new baby girl and being a mother, and on the other hand, all I want to do is cry. All. the. time. Sometimes I can identify a reason for the tears, like the night I cried for hours because I don't want to take Lily to day care. Other times, I have no explanation and that seems to make it worse. Worse because of the guilt. I feel so guilty that I'm not happy all the time, and I just want to pick up my baby girl and tell her I'm sorry that I feel this way and it's not her fault. She's wonderful, and I want to be the happy, loving mama she deserves. 

I make this confession today because I'm hoping today is the last day of feeling this way. Or at the very least, the beginning of the end. It feels like I've hit rock bottom today, and I'm hoping that writing it out here will help me get it out of me for good. And it's no coincidence that today is also the day that Nana went home after almost two weeks of staying here helping take care of Lily. 

Being a mother is wonderful, yes. More wonderful than anything I've ever felt in my life. But it's also the most overwhelmed I've ever felt in my life. And when Nana was here, she helped me deal with it all. Besides helping with groceries, laundry, and all the cooking, Nana helped take care of Lily. She burped her after after nursing, held her when she cried, and changed plenty of diapers. And she helped me with all the things I know nothing about, like how to bathe Lily or how to clean out her eyes because of her blocked tear ducts. And she was here to tell me this is normal, that's normal, and yes, it's going to get easier. 

And now, Nana had to go home and back to her real life and it's time for me and Khan to take care of Lily on our own. Amazing that as much as Lily needs her mama right now, she may need her mama just as much when she's 30 years old. 

Grrr, I hate the Mac

So I spent what little free time I have today trying to get photos uploaded and organized, and trying to post on this blog. Let's just say it didn't go well. I ended up deleting all of the photo albums I had previously linked, and I had to wait for Khan to come home and provide some technical support.

But it's finally done. Posted below is my incredibly wordy labor and delivery tale. I don't have time to write one with all the details for me and a second short-version for you, so you get the long version, too. Sorry. 

As for the photos, well, I'm taking the opportunity to start fresh. I posted two photo albums. The first is Lily's one-week portrait session. We don't have the money for professional portraits right now, so we decided to give it a try ourselves and create our own little portrait studio. Unfortunately, Picasa doesn't seem to have photo editing features, so I can't crop out the extra stuff. I tried another site, but that didn't go well either. I've not had a good day with the computer. So you'll see all the secrets of our photo studio, but oh well. 

The other album contains some pictures we've taken at home during Lily's first week of life. We have about 400 more, so I tried to pick just a few. Enjoy.

Labor, delivery, recovery, and my beautiful baby Lily

(This one’s very, very long and a bit graphic, sorry. You’ve been warned, read on if you choose.)

It’s almost as though I’ve been robbed of the one thing all mothers share. I have no labor and delivery horror story. In fact, I admit that it was pretty darn easy. At my 39-week appointment on Thursday, my doctor recommended that I come in on Saturday, July 26^th, for a scheduled induction. I was already 4 cm dilated and having increasing contractions and cramping. According to my doctor, Lily was ready, I was ready, and we should go for it. So after saying yes, followed by a morning of second-guessing our decision, Khan and I ultimately chose to go ahead and go for it. And we definitely made the right decision.

That Friday night, neither of us slept much. Obviously, the anticipation of the next day played a role in that, but the bigger culprit was the increasing frequency of my contractions. They were about 20 minutes apart when we left for the hospital. We did manage to get some sleep, and in the morning, we packed the car and left to go have a baby.

When we got there, we got settled into our room and met our labor and delivery nurse, Cheri. She was awesome. She was obviously competent (a reassuring characteristic for a very nervous Kate), and she was very good at making me feel relaxed. We started with the epidural. In previous weeks, I’d had ideas of waiting to see if I’d need it, but at that point, I was ready to just trust my doctor. Smartest thing I did.

Khan and I enjoyed a really nice, relaxing morning together. Nurses and doctors came in from time to time to check this or that, but for the better part of the morning, it was just me and him. We talked a lot about our new life with Lily, and really just enjoyed our time together.

Dr. Reichman got there around 10:00 in her workout gear. She checked to see how far along I was and broke my water. She said she’d be back around noon after her workout, and told me things would be moving quickly at that point. She said I’d have my baby by late afternoon.

Cheri checked my progress around 11:30 and I was 8 cm dilated. By the time Dr. Reichman got there, I was 9-10 cm dilated and my contractions were regular and close together. Khan and I watched the contractions go by on the monitor. Dr. Reichman said we’d give Lily a little more time to let her head move further down into my pelvis, and then we’d start pushing.

Eventually, they told me we’d start pushing at 2:10. Khan was instructed to hold back my left leg and Cheri held my right leg. I was instructed to take a deep breath and push as hard as I could for a count of 10. We did this for each contraction. I couldn’t see what was going on, but Khan was telling me. I was bit too occupied to stop and watch. Khan kept telling me I had to see this, and I said I’m busy. But Cheri insisted and said I couldn’t miss this as she pulled down the blankets and things in my way. And at 2:31, I saw her as she came into this world – easily the most surreal moment of my life. My first thought was of how big she was – she was a full-grown baby! Somehow, I’d pictured her smaller in the womb, but as she stretched out her arms and legs, I saw my full-grown baby girl with all that black hair.

Cheri handed her to me and I held my girl for the first time. Honestly, the moment was too fast and too overwhelming for emotion. It still hadn’t really hit me. (Honestly, I’m not sure if it has just yet.)

Within a couple of hours, after cleaning up Lily, testing her for various reasons, and finishing up some repair work on me, we were on the second floor of the hospital in recovery. Labor and delivery were a breeze. Recovery was where I’d find my challenges 

Those two and a half days are already a blur for me. It’s probably better that way.

My first job was to feed my baby. Failing at breastfeeding had been one of my biggest fears. I’m not sure why it’s so important to me. Formula-fed babies do just fine, too. But I know the benefits of breastfeeding. And I wanted my perfect, wonderful baby to have the best.

The short version is that it didn’t go well. It turns out that one of the most natural and amazing things about motherhood is not easy and requires learning. Lily had a hard time latching on, and I didn’t know how to help her. She got frustrated, and I got frustrated. If not for the amazing help of the nurses and the lactation consultant at the hospital, I’m quite sure I would’ve given up before we even got home.

Adding to my frustration was that as the epidural wore off, I began to realize that I was in a lot of pain, and that pain wasn’t going to fade quickly. Every way I moved hurt. 

After the first night of miserable attempts at breastfeeding, neither Khan or I got any sleep at all. By Sunday afternoon, I had my first major meltdown. No sleep, frustration over breastfeeding, and just being overwhelmed by all of it, it was just too much. (I got talked to three times about post partum depression.) I wanted to send Lily to the nursery so that we could sleep. At first Khan didn’t want to, but I think he realized I needed it, and he agreed. As soon as the nurses came and got her, I felt even worse than before. I’d just sent away my baby girl.

A lot of tears and a phone call to a reassuring expert later, I was feeling a little bit better. We brought Lily back and tried some more at the breastfeeding. By this time, we’d had some successes, but I was still anxious about it because I couldn’t do without help. Later that night, we let Lily go back to the nursery so we could get some sleep. Second smartest thing I did because we both needed the sleep – badly.

By the time we left, we’d had enough success with breastfeeding that I felt confident about keeping it up. And we were finally feeling ready to go home with our beautiful baby girl.

And she’s amazing. Every cliché about motherhood is true. I had no idea I had the room in my heart to love this much. And until she holds her own baby one day, she won’t have any idea how much she’s loved right now. 

One last day

Dear Lily,

You would think after nine months of carrying you, I'd be more prepared for this day. Well, I'm not. I'm still in a bit of disbelief that by this time tomorrow, I will probably be holding you in my arms instead of my belly. I think I'm just not ready to let you go yet. 

In a lot of ways, though, I couldn't be more prepared. Your daddy and I have been busy these last few months getting your nursery ready, putting together things like swings and strollers for you, making arrangements for your daycare and your health care. And all of that is done, Lily. 

I can't tell you how excited we are to meet you -- to see your face for the very first time. I can't wait to hold your tiny hand for the very first time or to feel your soft newborn skin for the very first time. Right now I can only imagine the little girl you're going to be. I don't know if you'll be easygoing like your dad or crazy anxious like your mom, but I do know you're going to be your very own little person, and I'm going to love watching every minute of it.

But for now, I really love having you right where you are. It hasn't always been easy to be pregnant, but those difficult moments are lost among the amazing ones. I love carrying you with me everywhere, knowing you're always here with me. I don't know, I guess I love not having to share you with anybody else right now. Right now it's just you and me. 

But I know that it couldn't last forever. And I know we're about to move on to the best part. But I just wanted you to know how much I loved this time that we've had together. 

See you very soon, baby girl. 

Love, 

Mama