Dad's week, Mondays, and dreading tomorrow

So it's been a touch over a week since I posted last. Last time I did, I was about to go back to work and Khan was going to stay with Lily for a week. He had a great week, and I survived mine relatively well. Lily and Daddy had a lot of playtime, and Lily made big strides in development over last week. I was holding her on my shoulder on Friday evening, and I turned my head toward her, and she was looking right at me. She was holding herself up and looking at me! It probably doesn't sound terribly impressive, but it was the first time she's ever done that. Or so I thought. Khan said, yeah, she's been doing that all day. And I missed it because I was at stupid work. This was after earlier in the week when I was watching Lily and Daddy play with the chime garden (a little flower toy that lights up and plays music), and Lily was reaching out for the toy. Another first! She was reaching for her toys! And Khan said, yeah, she's been doing that all day. And I missed it because I was at stupid work. 

So, I guess that's it. I'll miss some things sometimes. Khan'll miss some things sometimes. I think this is a reality that all parents just hate, but eventually have to accept. You just can't be there all the time. But on the positive side, I will have Mondays. Starting this week, I'm working Tuesday through Friday from 6:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.  Sounds like a hideously long day, but it's really not that bad at all. And if it gives me a whole extra day a week to spend with my baby, then it's a no-brainer. And as my first 3-day weekend is ending, I can tell you that it has made a HUGE difference. I really feel like I got to spend some quality time with my baby before I have to go back to work again. 

But tomorrow is the day I've been dreading since before I was even pregnant. Tomorrow Lily goes to day care. Ugh, I just can't imagine anyone else taking care of her like me. (Or family.) And I have this horrible picture in my mind that she's going to be plopped in a crib by herself and crying, scared and confused. Obviously, if I rationally thought that Lily would be plopped in a crib and left alone at this center, I would not be sending her there. But I'm not thinking rationally right now. And even if they're holding her and comforting her, I'm still scared that she'll be scared and confused. 

I have to leave early in the morning, but Khan's going to take Lily in to day care at about 8:00 or 8:15, and he's going to stay there with her for a little while. He says he's going to leave work early if he can. Unfortunately, I know that I can't because I have a deadline on Wednesday. After tomorrow, Khan's going to leave around 8:30 in the morning, and I'll pick Lily up at 5:00. That's pretty much the best that we can do, and it's not that bad. The rational side of me knows that. I know that lots of parents have to do this, too. But honestly, that doesn't make it any easier. There is no easy way to do this. So just be nice to me tomorrow.