I blame the doctors.

I really was at peace with being patient and ready to wait for Lily to get here on her own time. But yesterday was my first weekly appointment when my doctor starts checking me for progress. First, she measured my belly and we listened to her heartbeat as usual. I asked about how big might Lily be at this point. Dr. R guessed she’s about 6 ½ pounds right now. Then she told me I’m one centimeter dilated, which really doesn’t mean anything, except that she said it’s a good sign that my cervix isn’t closed. She also said Lily’s head is “fully engaged,” which means that she’s in the right position, and Dr. R said it’s unlikely that she’d change positions at this point. So that’s good news.

And then I mentioned that the Braxton Hicks contractions I’d been feeling for several weeks were starting to go away and I’m starting to feel more crampy instead. Dr. R said that could be a sign that things are starting to happen. And then she said that it could be nothing and the crampiness could just go away. Argh.

I couldn’t help but start to get anxious after hearing all of this. It’s crazy to wake up every day and think that this could be the day. And it’s not that I’m sick of carrying her around all the time; I do like having her right where she is. But yesterday I was ready to wait and today I just want to meet my little girl already.