I'm having a bad week with reptiles.

So you might know I'm not really a fan of reptiles. No, it doesn't matter if they're poisonous and it doesn't matter if you say it is more afraid of me. Trust me, it's not.

My week started fine. Normal. Then my co-workers and I decide we're all gonna be really healthy and go for walks at lunch. Yay for motivation!

And they're all like, "yay, let's go to Lettuce Lake Park and walk on the boardwalk!"

So I'm like "Hmmmmm...that sounds swampy and snake infested."

They convince me that it's just perfectly beautiful and they've never ever seen snakes on the boardwalk. Maybe in the water, but it happens really rarely blah blah blah dah dee blah.

So I try to be brave and we go. Honestly, it was really nice. It was shady, cool, quiet, and as beautiful as Florida gets. It was sort of like this:

I came back from the walk nice and refreshed, and the next day we set out again.

We're about four feet in, and whadayaknow. A snake.
I ran, my co-workers laughed, and that was the end of that.

Then, just when I thought I had mentally recovered from the trauma, I heard the republicans are coming here for their convention in 2012. (Sorry to my republican friend, but it was just right there and I had to do it. You can still love me, right?)

Then Sunday, Khan and Lily went off to St. Pete and I tried to clean the disgustingness we call home. It was going well, I was so proud, and I went to grab a load of laundry from the dryer, but this guy got in my way.
Oh, fine. He was more like this. But they're practically the same. So I flipped out, called my mom, my dad, and my husband. Of course this always happens to me when I'm home alone!

The best advice anyone had for me was to get Kitty to help. But she was busy.

After about 10,746 hours, Khan finally got home. By that time, I knew that the velociraptor was under my washing machine, but that's a really hard place to reach. So we kept trying different ways to get at it and try to get him out. Khan tried a broomstick. We turned the washing machine on. I suggested squirting him with a squirtgun, but Khan got pissy at me and told me that was a stupid idea. Turns out he was right.

Finally, Khan started banging on the machine and the little guy was inching his way out. We're only pretty sure that he's gone because neither one of us actually saw him scamper out the door, but we couldn't find any sign of him.

So I went to bed trying to remind myself of all the things I love about living in this reptile infested swamp. I tried to remember how much I hate winter, but all I could think of was this:

To moms, grandmoms, sisters, aunts, and women everywhere

This one is for you.

I'm posting this video, and it's against my better judgment for three reasons:

1. It features my baby's bare bottom and there's a lot of weirdos in the world. For that reason alone, I'll probably take it down by Tuesday.

2. It's pretty much what you'd see if you came by my house unannounced on a Saturday morning. The place is a disaster. Every room has mess, most of all, my bedroom. The problem is that I don't clean often, and when I do, the last room I touch is my own bedroom. If it helps, I stayed home last Sunday and cleaned like a fool, and for once I started in my room, which is now clean and I even rearranged my walls and such. And it's still clean!

3. You'll see me in my jammies and my curlers. It's not pretty. You've been warned.

Now, with all of that said, this video is too funny not to share with you. I might be deluding myself on its global entertainment value, but I guess you'll have to decide just how valuable the next three minutes of your life are.

So watch my little Lily take Khan down. She totally wins, and I figured there is no better day than Mother's Day to share that.

Enjoy.

Edited: I took the video down finally. If you didn't see it and want to because you heard how incredibly hilarious it was, let me know.

Video fail.

Sigh. Just when I thought I could upload videos all by myself, I screwed it all up.

The Disney conclusion post was supposed to have two brand new videos in it. The first one is of us on the teacups, and the second one is the hilarious one of Lily on the steps at the hotel.

Ok, I might just be a little bit delusional about how entertaining these videos are, but I swear the second one is totally worth seeing if you have about a minute and a half to kill. Go back and watch it.

And for gawd's sake when I screw up and my video links to a photo, tell me. What good are the four of you anyway.

Maybe I don't take it well when people point out my mistakes...and that's why my hair is messed up in my wedding pictures and my blog is all jacked up....something for me to think about.

Disney: The shocking conclusion.

Okay, fine. It's a pretty tame ending. But there's a video in this post that's totally worth 2 minutes if you have it.

On the third day, we went to the Magic Kingdom.

First stop was the Dumbo ride. Lily was very serious about her rides. While in line, she was focused on the prize.
On the rides, she was still all business. I would've wondered if she really liked it or not, except the holy fit that she threw when we walked away from the now huge line at Dumbo pretty much assured me that she liked it.
After her favorite ride, we went to my favorite ride. I love the teacups. Soooo much fun. But you know what's not fun on the teacups? Khan. I was trying to take some video, and he was supposed to turn the wheel to make the teacup spin.

He faked it.

Yeah, I'm serious.


So he didn't get to ride it with us the next time.
Next I wanted to go on It's a Small World. We went on the boat ride in Mexico at Epcot, and she loved that....so....I assumed she'd like this one too.

Unfortunately, there was one obstacle between the teacups and the small world. Yup, Dumbo.

She started fussing and pointing and wanted to go back. I was on a mission, and I hoped she'd forget about Dumbo by the time we got on the boat.

It was as if I didn't know my girl but at all. Yeah, she cried the WHOLE time. We were trapped on a boat with a crying toddler, scary dolls dancing all around us and "It's a Small World," was stuck on repeat. Don't feel sorry for us; feel sorry for the poor parents and toddler behind us who were actually trying to enjoy the ride. Sorry.
After that, we decided it was definitely time for a break.

After some food, drink, and a fresh diaper, Lily was in much better spirits. We went on Peter Pan, which is a weirdly popular ride, but guess where it exits? Yup, right in front of Dumbo.

Listen, I don't have a problem with Dumbo. But that ride needs a fast pass. I can't put my toddler in a 45-minute line, so my strategy was to avoid it.

But guess what was right next to Dumbo? A carousel, and Lily wanted that just as badly. No line. Yay! We went on that a few times.

Again, she was all business.
After the carousel, we ventured out of Fantasyland and made our way to Adventureland. Guess who we saw there? Lilo and Stitch.

Yeah, I don't really care if Lily wanted to see Lilo and Stitch or not. I did. That's my favorite Disney movie, and if you haven't seen it, well, you need to. "Stitch" was actually my first nickname for Lily when she was a newborn. First because of all the weird little sounds she made, like these, and then later for her destructive tendencies.

She saw Lilo and Stitch and she said "titch!"

After our star encounter, we weren't sure if we should go on or go home. We chose to find one more ride and call it a day.

We found the Adventureland version of Dumbo, the Magic Carpet Ride, but there was a 15-minute line. And, oh, it was hot. I tried helping Lily out and put her hair up.

If you've ever wondered why I never do anything cute with Lily's hair, this is why.
I did want to try to get a few of the classic Magic Kingdom pictures before we left. But Lily was quite tired. I knew I was pushing it.
You know how when you're eating something that's really good, and you're full, but it's so good that you keep eating? You know when you've taken that one last bite that you shouldn't have? The one that makes you feel like you're going to throw up?

This is the photo version of that. This is me giving up. It was not going to happen, and the more I pushed it, the worse it would become.
So, a bus ride and a nap later, we had some time to kill before our princess evening.

We just hung out at our hotel and enjoyed what it had to offer. The stairs were enough to keep Lily occupied for hours.





Next up: Cinderella's Happily Ever After dinner. Lily met Prince Charming first. She was not charmed. Frankly, neither was I. He was kind of a dork.
Next, she met the step sisters and the step mother. She was intrigued.
By the time she met Cinderella, she was starstruck.

Seriously, it was the weirdest thing. She's NEVER seen Cinderella. Never read the stories, no pictures, nothing. But when she saw Cinderella, she just kept pointing and waiting for her chance to meet her.
Lily was not happy when Cinderella left our table. We had to follow her all around.

That's right, we were stalking Cinderella.
At least until the chocolate came. Then we were able to finish our dinner, ride the monorail, and head back to the hotel.
The very last day, we decided to take it easy. We slept in, had a late breakfast, and just went to Downtown Disney to walk around and have lunch before going home.

Lily was happy to give Fake Cinderella a kiss.
Mommy, not so much.
Just when I thought we were on our way out, Lily saw the Legos.

The girl loves to put things together, take them apart, repeat, repeat, repeat.

So we did.
Then Daddy gave the two-minute warning.




Buh-bye, Disney. For now.

Disney: Part 1. Yes, part 1.

Whether or not toddlers should get to go to Disney is, strangely, a hotly debated topic.

"S/he won't even remember it," they say. "S/he won't get anything out of it. Why bother?" they argue. "It's too difficult," they say.

Well, they might have me on that last one. Or if Mom and Dad hate Disney, crowds, or theme parks, or have to travel a long distance at great expense, I get that too. But why the long-term memory is more important than just having fun right now, well, I don't really get that.

Here's the trick to making it work: make a list of everything you want to do at Disney with your toddler. Then, cut it in half. Then, rank them, and cut in half again. That's doable. Oh, and there will be meltdowns.

So, we started at Epcot after check-in and naptime. No real itinerary except to get some dinner and catch the fireworks before heading back to the hotel, and we were there during the Flower and Garden Festival. Nice.

Lily loved it from the start. She was in full explorer mode the whole time, and she loved the big ball. "Whoa...ball.." she said.

And then there was Monkey. She fell in love with the Minnie Mouse doll, but she thought it was a monkey. "Oooh ooh, ahh ahh," and all.
Khan's favorite part was wandering all around with Lily. Kisses.
Holding hands.
And marching.
My favorite part was Turtle Talk with Crush. (How do they do that?)
We did catch the fireworks, and Lily was in awe the whole time. I don't have any pictures because (a) I don't take good pictures of fireworks, (b) fireworks pictures all look the same, and (c) sometimes it's a good idea to put the camera down. Especially on vacation.

Lily was asleep before the bus pulled in.
The next morning, the plan was to get to the Animal Kingdom at rope drop and try to beat the crowd.

Khan didn't really want to go to the Animal Kingdom. He said that compared to Busch Gardens, it really sucks. But I've never been there, and I wanted to go. How often does he not like something? Perhaps I should've thought of that.

First, things didn't go according to plan. Lily didn't sleep well, and therefore, no one slept well. So we slept in, and we didn't beat the crowd. And it was hot. And so very, very crowded.

So, we were there, and we tried to make the most of it. We went to Dinoland. Not bad. .

After Dinoland, we just sort of wandered aimlessly, and that's not a good way to manage a crowd. We got on the train to go out to the area with the petting zoo, but we rode the train right back when we realized the best way for us to spend our time was just to get out of there.

We did find a few things we liked, though.

My favorite part was finding the baby Roseate Spoonbills. I've loved these birds since I moved here. They're so weird and pretty at the same time. The babies were born on April 8th, and I was like, "hey, me too!"

Khan's favorite part was trying to prove that the Tree of Life is just an illusion. Please, don't get him started. Please.

Pretty sure Lily's favorite part was the popcorn.

So back to the hotel for a nap and a drink, and then we were ready for the pool. Lily had a BLAST playing in the fountains.

And she had to do some Itsy Bitsy Spider, too.

No, her little life jacket wasn't for the fountains. That was because of the pool. At first, my little fish was loving the water while we carried her all around the pool, let her float on her back, and she went down the tiny slide. Ah, it was perfect family time at the pool.

Until she decided she didn't want help. Yup, she thought she could swim all on her own.

She's not even 2.

I tried to be brave and give her a little space, knowing that I was right there, Khan was right there, and she was wearing a life jacket. In the really shallow water, that wasn't so bad.

But she wanted to go underwater. Yup, too much for us. Then there was an incident that ruined the whole perfect family moment thing, and that was pretty much the end of swimming time for day 2.

Back on dry land, we got cleaned up and just hung out on our balcony and enjoyed our view. Not a bad way to finish the day.