Are you there, Blog? It's me, Kate.

Hello, Blog.

I know that you feel abandoned right now -- and maybe even a little bit scared. After all, there are TONS of blogs out there that get lost and left forever. That is not your fate. (Yet.)

I imagined after leaving my job, I would have so much time for you. (Shut up, other moms. I can hear you laughing.) I imagined the words, the photos, all of it. But day after day, it just didn't happen. See, there are these kids.

This one, the girl.

She finished VPK and with no second income, that meant she was staying home with me, too. All day. All day long. Every day. All day.

And I thought, "It'll be tough, but so awesome. We'll hang out together and do all kinds of superfun learning activities. She will be a genius by the time she starts kindergarten and we will have had the best summer ever. When we finish superfun learning time, she'll run off and play in her room all by herself. I will clean all the things and then spend time with Blog. Yay!"

I even made a list and a schedule of  23 super-fun learning activities with the help of my good friend/time-suck, Pinterest.

We did 4 of them.

And then there is the other kid, the boy.

He's the one who made it financially stupid to keep my job.

And I thought, "It'll be tough, but so awesome. He's such an easy baby. He falls asleep easily and naps a lot. When little dude isn't napping, we'll cuddle and play. He'll hang out and watch during superfun learning time, and then he'll nap some more. I will make the house sparkle and cook some dinner. And then spend time with Blog. Yay!"

I'm watching Lily drop eggs. Woot!

And then there was my favorite idea. They will play together. Lily loves to help. (Which is true...5 minutes at a time.) I imagined lots of this:

But the reality was more like this:

:

Don't get me wrong, Blog. I knew dam well all of this was optimistic, at best. And as I've never been accused of being an optimist, I knew most days would be painted quite differently. I was right.

Superfun learning time was replaced with get-us-out-of the house time. Getting up early and having a scheduled day was replaced with lazy morning cuddling with my babies.

It wasn't the summer I planned, but I loved it. It was refreshingly awesome to live without a clock.
So as every night came to an en end, I should've given you the attention then that I used to. But I couldn't help but think, "I'll have plenty of time tomorrow." I couldn't look at the computer screen, and my brain wanted to die a little and watch General Hospital or The Bachelorette instead. And so I did.

When every tomorrow came, the boy needed me to hold him, love him, and rock him to sleep. And so I did.

And the girl needed me to get her out of the house. She needed to run, to play, and to be five. And so we did.

Then school started and with it, more routine. I thought this would be the time to catch up with you, Blog. Well, I don't know what happened. I busied myself during nap time doing this, that, napping, and the other thing. I can't really explain it.

So maybe it's you. That's right, it's your fault. You are too time-consuming.

Fine. While that's true, it's not the problem. Here it is: it's not you, it's me. It wasn't a lack of time -- there's never enough time, but always some if you want it badly enough.

The truth is that it was just me and the second biggest transition of my life. I've had some figuring out to do, but I think I do want to keep you in my life.


So I'll try harder, Blog. I can change. I'll bring flowers. Or grass. Whatever.